Everything I Ever Wanted
November 23rd, 2012, posted by Aimee
Ahi Poke salad and a Mai Tai. That was my Thanksgiving meal this year, happily ingested on the island of Maui with my son, husband, dad and his wife in a decidedly mediocre tourist trap of waterfront restaurant . Despite the balmy evening and tiki tropical atmosphere of the cheesy eatery, the meal was tinged with melancholy after hearing the day before that my uncle had died suddenly of a heart attack. Here I was in paradise while the rest of my family was mourning in dreary, drippy California.
To say I felt grateful for my life and the health of all of my family was an understatement, almost too obvious to even write about. How could I fret about those pesky 10 pounds or the annoying demands of my job when my beloved aunt was dealing with unbearable loss and pain?
Times of tragedy like this are notorious for eliciting these feelings of gratitude. The only good news here is that it honestly didn’t take just my uncle’s death to remind me just how wonderful my life really is. In fact, this moment of clarity occurred for me just about a week prior.
It was a Saturday morning and the sun was just peeking over the hillside into the windows and French doors of our bedroom. I was snuggling in my delicious bed with my wonderfully hot “surfer boy” husband, waiting for my bright and spirited five-year-old son to wake up when suddenly it occurred to me. I really and truly finally had everything I had ever wanted.
During my 20s and even early 30s before Nate and I finally hooked up for good, it seems like I was always pursuing the dream I was now living: a small family, an adorable house, a great husband who loved me and who I cherished, a satisfying career. I remember being 28 years old – gorgeously line- and cellulite-free yet tortured, conflicted and depressed, wondering if I was ever going to meet “the one.” It felt like I was never going to experience the joys of a wedding and building a home with someone, let alone giving birth to a healthy and happy little person. It seems like I dreamed every night even just of having one thing – a big sundrenched bedroom with French doors opened to the fresh breezes, shared with the person I loved – and could not imagine how this would ever materialize in my life.
On this Saturday morning, I woke Nate up to tell him what I was thinking. “Honey, I love you. Do you know this is all I ever wanted?” I told him. “I can’t believe how lucky I am. All those years I thought I would never have this and now I really have it all.”
He nodded and kissed away my tears, just as we heard Tav calling “Mama!” from the other room. I know he really didn’t understand what I was talking about, but it didn’t matter. It was only important that I remember this moment all the time and any time I start to forget how much I really have. This was my true Thanksgiving.