Halloween Edition: Ways to Scare the Crap out of a Working Mom

November 1st, 2012, posted by Aimee

With all the sad and scary news in the world right now, it seemed like a good time to lighten it up. Plus, it’s Halloween, and it seemed natural to start thinking about all the things that really scare the living daylights out of us working moms. Hint: It’s not zombies, ghosts or ghouls.

So what is the easiest way to cause a Womo panic attack? Try a few of these …

o Remind her of the “No store-bought costumes, homemade only” rule at her kids’ school Halloween parade
o Tell her a new study came out showing white wine has double the amount of calories and carbs than previously known.
o Sign her up to bake cookies or (worse) build a scarecrow/mission/erupting volcano for her child’s annual fundraiser
o Announce that Trader Joe’s recalled all of its frozen meals due to a Salmonella scare.
o Send an Outlook invitation for a critical client meeting for 5 p.m. on October 31st.
o Tell her she’s pregnant again … with twins!

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Embracing Mediocrity

October 15th, 2012, posted by Aimee

Recently I was at dinner with one of my good friends who also happens to be the CFO of a fast-growing Silicon Valley startup and a hotshot on the fast track to entrepreneurial superstardom. She’s also fantastically witty, stylish, a social butterfly and the mom to two boys under six … basically the kind of chick who makes the rest of us cringe, check our chipped nails and dotty resume before reaching for a second glass of chardonnay to dull the pain of inadequacy in her shadow.

So imagine my surprise when, in answer to my question about how she manages to “do it all” in terms of career, motherhood and social life, she admitted bluntly, “I don’t. I try to do the best I can at work, but honestly I basically suck at my job sometimes.” She went on to admit she has simply decided that it was better to find a way to live with what in her mind is substandard performance on some aspects of her job than to shortchange other areas of her life.

Given the fact she’s the CEO’s right-hand woman and that her company’s on a meteoric rise in the Valley, “Lisa” is definitely exaggerating a bit in her description of failure at work. But it’s still amazing to me that she truly believes she is performing at what she calls “C minus” level – but has chosen not to lose much sleep about it.

That’s exactly how I have felt for the better part of five years since the T-man was born, when this A+ student realized I could no longer pull the 4.0 at work. Instead, I have slowly settled into a life of what I call, “Embracing Mediocrity” … not just at work, but in other areas of my life as well. A few examples where I’m lucky to score a “C” these days:

o My body – I can’t seem to get the discipline I used to have to track my Weight Watchers points and lose these damn last 10 pounds and feel good about baring my tummy in a bikini anymore.

o Career growth – I’m a VP at work but basically that’s where I stalled out six years ago. I used to think about managing and building practice groups and landing new clients … now I focus just on the results right in front of my nose for the current client I’m serving. If they’re happy, I am happy, end of story.

o Learning to cook – I tried for a while to get some kitchen skills and move past frozen Trader Joe’s options for dinner, but then trying to watch points/calories got in the way. Nothing in the low calorie category tastes edible to my family and it’s too much of a pain to go to all that effort for an entrée I can’t even sample. Pass.

o This blog – I used to post 3-4 times/week, now I’m lucky if I eek out a post every two weeks.

What about you all? Is “good enough” good enough for you these days? What are some of the ways you’ve embraced mediocrity in your life in order to remain sane? Please share.

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Best Apps for Working Moms

October 5th, 2012, posted by Aimee

Articles about “easy ways” and “tricks” for saving time and money seem to always actually stress me out. You’d think that friendly glossy mags like Real Simple that highlight “practical solutions” for “busy lives” would grab my interest like a glass of Chardonnay on a Friday afternoon, but in reality I avoid them like the plague most of the time.

Here’s why. No matter how much time that recipe or app or website can potentially ultimately save me, it’s still going to take an investment of a few minutes (or possibly hours) I don’t have at the upfront to check it out, download it and then figure it out. For this busy, easily frustrated and endlessly impatient working mom, it seems I never have the spare moments to figure out these time-saving apps, tools, tips and tricks. And so, inevitably I end up clipping an article that starts to crumple in the bottom of my purse and every time I start to panic or sweat with guilt. “I will get around to downloading those” or “I have to remember to buy the ingredients for that ‘3-ingredient lasagna’” I promise myself and then push it aside to find the car keys.

So, with that lengthy disclaimer, I offer you a link to an article sent to us recently from a nanny site (“National Nannies”) presenting its pick of “10 iPhone Apps for Busy, Working Moms.” I have not tried any of these yet, though TextnDrive sounds like a must-have for me, and Evernote has me curious.

Truthfully, my can’t-live-without-em apps are so pathetically 2009: Dropbox , Hootsuite (Twitter and Facebook), Weather Bug and a host of kiddie games – Dragonvale, Fruit Ninja and Pet Shop – to entertain my 5-year-old in restaurants. Oh, and my client’s app – Pearl.com – which I use all the time.

What do you all think? What are your must-have Womo apps?

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Mommy Parties: Sorority Rush, Part 2?

September 20th, 2012, posted by Aimee

Kindergarten is the inspiration for thousands of mommy bloggers out there who are writing heartfelt posts about the tears shed on that first day and sentimental insights on the passage of time and how it all “goes by so fast.”

But for me, the most noteworthy part of T-man’s transition into the “school years” over the past few weeks has actually been my adjustment to an entirely new social scene with a brand new set of conventions, mores and unspoken rules. Suddenly, we are completely immersed in a world of room mothers, classroom volunteers, PTA functions, after-school playdates and even “Mommy Night Out” functions that involve copious amounts of alcohol and a tiny bit of strained conversation. Friends of mine with older children have warned me for a while of the “drama” and stress that can sometimes ensue with this new “mommy” scene, and I still think – given my strong aversion to and propensity for avoiding girl-on-girl drama – I will be able to skip most of this crap. But I am finding it amusing – and sometimes somewhat challenging – learning to adjust to some of the new moms-only socializing.

The first hint I had at my underestimation of this new “scene” came during the first week of school when I received an invitation to a moms-only event for the entire school’s mother population to meet and greet over margaritas on a Friday night. Not knowing what a big deal this party would be, I showed up on my beach cruiser with flip flops and slightly unflattering Target colored jeans. Um, let’s just say that even the other moms who rode bikes to the booze-filled event brought wedge sandals to dress up their white skinny jeans and sundresses upon arrival. To say I felt a bit frumpy and underdone is an understatement to say the least!

And then there was the fact I somehow never considered how nerve-wracking it would be to strike up a conversation with a crowd of total strangers … many of whom already knew each other. Getting up the courage to take a seat at a table full of women engrossed in their own chit-chat and introducing myself reminded me of early days at my dorm cafeteria in college. I knew exactly one other woman at the entire event and started to feel slightly pathetic as I clung to her side through the night. Maybe she doesn’t even like me, I thought. After five times into the bathroom to check my lipstick, I called my husband to pick me up for a ride home while the party was still raging on.

One week later, another invitation arrived via email for a “Mommy’s Wine Night” at another kindergarten mom’s home. This time, I at least knew the host a little bit, as well as one u mom with whom Tavish has played. But when it came time to leave for the party, I kept stalling. Should I get there 15 minutes late? 30 minutes? Or an hour? Or even 90 minutes? What should I bring? I hate Chardonnay, particularly La Crema, but decided that crowd-pleasing bottle was the right fit for the crowd. And what about my outfit? Last time, I was too casual, but this time was my outfit too flashy?

I realized that most of the time now in party situations I’m incredibly spoiled by having a husband – and an extremely sociable one at that – at my side to break the ice and lean on if I feel uncomfortable. These new social settings require me standing solo and breaking out of my comfort zone.

The good news is that I realized I can do it. I somehow survived the hell of sorority rush as an insecure 18-year-old and this is nowhere near as tough as that. And the payoff has been huge. Some of these women are fantastic – working, non-working, part-time-working and just cool overall moms – there are some great new friends out there. And they all seem to like wine as much as I do.

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Help a Sister Out

September 4th, 2012, posted by Aimee

After watching Michelle Obama’s speech tonight and feeling moved to tears by her words about helping each other out in hard times (sorry if my politics are showing through, but I definitely think she rocked it), it only seemed fitting to follow in that same spirit of “paying it forward” with this post.

If you read this blog, you know I rarely ever post anything from a guest contributor, but in this case, the mission seemed noble and it seems like the right thing to do to help another “sister” out. I took the survey and am very interested to see what the research reveals. Plus, you might win an Amex gift card. See below:

My name is Lauren Berger and I am a doctoral candidate in the Department of Educational and Counseling Psychology at the University at Albany, State University of New York. I am inviting you to participate in my research study of working mothers’ experiences that has been reviewed by the Institutional Review Board at the University at Albany, State University of New York.

Albany, NY 12222

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Dinner of Champions

August 23rd, 2012, posted by Aimee

Like all moms, I spend a lot of time and energy fussing over my child’s diet. From organic steamed broccoli and nitrate free hot dogs, to Farmer’s Market fresh heirloom tomato soup and wild caught fresh grilled salmon and poached cage-free eggs, Tav’s diet is a page right out of the Alice Waters’ manifesto. I am vigilant about avoiding too much processed foods and instilling healthy eating habits (despite the all too frequent Trader Joe’s chicken nuggets that end up on his plate, let’s be honest).

It’s a good thing, then, that my little man doesn’t see what his mommy wolfs down on the nights when I don’t get around to dinner until after he hits the hay. I may fuss and fret over his diet, but mine – particularly during a crunch times at work when I barely have time to breathe, let alone cook – is pretty much crap.

Cold pizza crusts. Rice cakes, salsa and chicken broth. Crappy take-out sushi and Sauvignon Blanc. Leftover Mexican rice and pinto beans from our weekend taco party. Three bites of my son’s mac-n-cheese followed by half a package of cinnamon graham crackers. Three glasses of Chardonnay. These are just a few of the awesome “dinners” I have enjoyed over the past couple weeks when my fridge was bare and time too short to whip anything up, even out of a box or can.

And I know I am not alone. Tonight on Facebook, a working mom friend and colleague of mine posted that she was having “Ritz crackers and white wine” for dinner. This led to a thread from what I have to assume were other working moms chiming in with their dinner confessions, from KIND bars in the car on the commute home to mini frozen tacos intended for the kiddos. We Womos obviously do not consider feeding ourselves (other than with wine or Skinny Girl margaritas) a priority.

How about you? What’s the most embarrassing or disgusting thing you have eaten as a meal lately?

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Maternity Leave Only for Pussies Now, Evidently

August 3rd, 2012, posted by Aimee

So, a few weeks have passed now, and between the Olympic Games, a Chick-Fil-A gay marriage throwdown and the horrible tragedy in Aurora, the media’s attention have shifted away from the oh-so-controversial hiring of a pregnant Marissa Mayer as CEO of Yahoo. But just because the rest of the world is now obsessing over “The Flying Squirrel” Gabby Johnson and Ryan Lochte’s abs, it doesn’t mean I have finished mulling the whole thing over.

What has bugged me from the beginning is not by any means that an impending first-time-mom-to-be is about to take the helm of one of Silicon Valley’s biggest companies, but the statement she has given about her intention to take just a few weeks off after the birth and “work through” her maternity leave.

Shit. So now, this hero and pioneer for all Womos everywhere has set the precedent essentially that maternity leave is for pussies. Real Womos – the truly ambitious and dedicated women hoping to following in Mayer’s courageous footsteps – have a role model who seems to encourage barely hitting the “pause” button to bond with your child, rest your body and learn to be a mother. If we are to believe Mayer – and the dozens of other top women execs who provided their own “I went back to work two days after giving birth” anecdotes for the myriad of articles that followed her announcement – it’s entirely possible and expected to juggle email and conference calls with the major physical and emotional trauma of new motherhood.

Just a few days ago, the San Francisco Chronicle ran a profile about a woman entrepreneur talking about her struggle to balance the running of her Internet start-up with the birth of first child just 10 days ago … Pooja Sankar mentions that she has calculated the exact number of hours in each day go to caring for her baby and how much is left for work, sleep and everything else. It sounded like pure hell to me. And believe me, I thought much of maternity leave was hellish already … even without working!

Am I the only one who thinks Marissa and women like Pooja are setting a dangerous precedent here? Isn’t it bad enough that we now live in a society that demands all of us to be available and responsive via mobile devices 24/7, and that defines all of us in terms of how many hours we put in vs. the results we achieved? Evidently not.

On the blog Mommyish, Lindsay Cross put it well: “I can’t help but be nervous about the attention that this choice will get. I don’t like the idea that people will use this as ammunition to say that maternity leave isn’t necessary … For me, Marissa Mayer’s maternity leave announcement is a little like the models that hop back on the catwalk a week after giving birth. I’m happy for them that they’re able to accomplish such a feat, but it makes me worried about the expectations set for the rest of us.”

Amen, sister. Christ, it was tough for me to get out of my Juicy sweats and get through a day without bawling during the first month after Tav was born, let alone using my brain in any significant, income-generating way.

And to Cross’ first point, isn’t this one more arrow in the quiver for U.S. companies fighting to screw us out of the mandated maternity leave benefits that pales in pathetic comparison to every other major civilized nation in the world? We are already a nation of workaholics with the lowest vacation time and the least amount of maternity leave in the entire world. Marissa Mayer may have nannies, nurses, cooks, drivers and personal assistants up the wazoo, but none of the rest of us have those luxuries, and maternity leave is something we are fighting to improve, not diminish. And besides, I still think no matter how much help you have, giving birth is freaking painful and learning to bond with a newborn infant is terrifying … no matter how much money you’ve got.

What do you think? Am I overreacting here?

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Silicon Valley Superwoman … or Fooling Herself?

July 17th, 2012, posted by Aimee

When news hit earlier this this week that 37-year-old Google executive Marissa Mayer – a bona fide “female geek chic” celebrity in SF/Silicon Valley circles and beyond – had been named CEO of Yahoo, reaction from most of the media and fellow female execs on Facebook and Twitter seemed overwhelmingly positive. Sure, Yahoo is a bit like an old dog limping along without much direction these days, but perhaps this cool chica (whose street cred was only slightly damaged by several fluffy profiles in glossy fashion mags over the years ) would be just the fresh blood needed to engineer a turnaround.

But then another angle on the story trickled out. Mayer announced she is expecting her first child in October, making her approximately six months pregnant as she steps into the CEO shoes. Morning show pundits, radio hosts and snarky blogs all began to weigh in on the topic of whether a 37-year-old woman expecting her first baby in just over three months could possibly handle such a huge job with this on her horizon. Some writers, such as this post by a blogger on Jezebel, pointed out that even raising a question about Mayer’s competency is sexist and misogynistic.

I’m not so sure I agree with her point of view, to be honest. Obviously, given the topic of this blog, I am a strong champion of working motherhood and I applaud the fact that a brilliant entrepreneur such as Mayer has the guts to pursue the career opportunity of a lifetime even in the face of impending first-time motherhood. . And she has stated right up front that she plans to work through her maternity leave. However, I hate the fact that if I admit what I am really thinking – that I doubt Mayer has a clue how much her universe is going to change in just a few short months and it’s going to be a hell of lot harder than she thinks, no matter how much help she hires or how committed and brilliant she is. I realize that voicing these kinds of doubts might inadvertently play into the dangerous stereotypes that lead to workplace discrimination and glass ceilings for women.

But come on. I don’t care how many nannies, cooks, drivers and whatever else round the clock help you hire, going back to work immediately after having your first child is going to be rough – emotionally (hello mommy guilt and fat pang) and physically (try sitting on a donut for a week and desperately warding off mastitis with bags of frozen peas). And even if you are in the corner office, pumping three times a day is a major drag.

Who knows? Just to get where she has today, Mayer is obviously some kind of a superwoman of sorts. Now it just remains to be seen whether she can be a supermom as well. What do you all think? Let me have it. Am I being lame? Does voicing these thoughts set back the cause of women’s advancement in the workplace? And if you could give Marissa Mayer any advice right now, what might it be?

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5 Things That Don’t Suck About Being a Working Mom

June 19th, 2012, posted by Aimee

Most of the time I spend this column bitching about all the things that get my goat about heading off to work in the morning while my sweet boy slumbers away in his bed. My life is hard and crazy and how in the world can those SAHMs ever complain to me about their cushy lives, blah blah blah.

Secretly, though, I have to admit there are a few nice perks to the WoMo existence.

5 Reasons Being a WoMo Doesn’t Totally Suck

It’s a good excuse for being a crappy cook. Well, nobody loves being a shitty cook. But most of us who do lack culinary skills can admit that being able to pick up yummy prepared meals from Whole Foods or take out from the super Indian joint down the street most nights is a hell of a lot better than disappointing everyone on a nightly basis. Friends of mine who stay home with the kids tell me all the time that they feel a ton of pressure to cook great meals every night for their hubbies and get little thanks in return. Damn. My husband’s happy if I throw a few extra capers on a frozen pizza. Here’s to low expectations in the kitchen!

One word: housekeeper. Who loves scrubbing toilets? Certainly not my husband or I. Working means I have both the excuse and the financial means to hire somebody to do this for us both.

No time for crafts. Nope, WoMos have no time to create paper dolls with felt and popsicle sticks or build puppet theaters. We don’t even time to build elaborate Lego kits or build models of the solar system. Honestly, I would rather poke my eye out with a pencil than attempt to do 90% of the activities I see my SAHM moms do with their kids on a rainy day at home. I know, I know, I’m horrible … but honest, too.

Commuting = news reading = know what’s up outside my suburban oasis. Commuting on the train into an office affords me the fantastic luxury of 40 minutes of uninterrupted time each way to read newspapers and magazines. Unlike the vast majority of my non-working mom friends who are lucky to see a headline or two posted on somebody’s Facebook page each day , I have a pretty strong grasp on the headlines of the day, almost any day.

Ability to live vicariously through younger coworkers. Here’s the thing: I like the energy and optimism of younger people, and I also like to stay connected to what’s hip and happening in pop culture. I like to know what’s trending in music, fashion and food. I like to evolve in my tastes rather than get stuck in a frumpy suburban rut. I remember the other night out with some friends in the City when one of my (suburban, SAHM) friends kept making snide, derogatory comments about how the young girls at the bar were dressed in what she thought were hideous outfits. I actually thought their clothes were pretty hot, and honestly she sounded like the jealous, out-of-touch adults we used to laugh at when we were 20-something.

Okay, girls, what about you? Any hidden WoMo perks you’re willing to divulge?

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These Small Hours

May 27th, 2012, posted by Aimee

It’s a little embarrassing to admit that I have a fairly vast selection of cheesy pop songs in my iTunes library. But when you can actually pin a bona fide epiphany to a Rob Thomas song from the soundtrack of a Disney movie, you may be veering into pathetic territory. Oh well, so shoot me.

In a nutshell, the song in question is “Little Wonders” from (gulp) the soundtrack to the kid flick, “Meet the Robinsons,” and I have always loved the melody as well as the lyrics. But it wasn’t until just recently when reflecting on some recent experiences with Tav – ironically in the car with the radio blasting – that I really started to connect on a deeper level with the words behind the tune.

It was a typical day for us – a Thursday “off” for me, shuffling Tav between errands and off to his Tae Kwon Do. In usual fashion, I was flipping back and forth between radio stations, blasting tunes and switching at times to the AM news station, all while my little dude was hanging in the back seat. At one point, frustrated with the selection, I shut off the radio altogether. Within a minute or two, Tav was chirping up a storm to fill in the gaps of the quiet car. From his favorite girls at school, to questions about heaven and telling me about a premonition he had about me (“Mom, I can see the future and you’re going to be a grandma”), his chatter was incessant, delightful and enlightening. This was an amazing change of pace from the slightly sullen little dude I typically encounter when I pick him up from school and inquire about his day or his friends. “Fine,” or “I don’t know” are about all I typically get in response to questions … and in frustration, I am ashamed to admit, I tend to give up and tune him out with the radio.

Now, I am realizing that getting Tav to talk to me is really about just being there, providing the “quiet gaps” in which he feels comfortable and welcome to fill with his own thoughts and conversation rather than trying to awkwardly prod him for information when it’s convenient for me. Just turn that radio off and see what happens.

“Our lives are made in these small hours “ is the chorus of “Little Wonders” and it’s really what this feeling for me is all about. Being a good mom is not about filling Tav’s day with nonstop educational/cultural enriching activities or sitting down for a detailed craft project … at least not for me. It’s just about the little stuff … slowing down and appreciating these little moments in the car, these sweet little conversations about nothing much but yet everything.

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